theimperfectpolicy's Xanga

Lost. Control.

Mon, 09 Nov 2009 09:05:56 GMT

I've completely let myself go. It's funny how I always have such a long list of things I want to do, but I never actually end up doing any of it. I don't even take any joy in sitting on the couch all day. I've seriously just been wasting everything. It's incredibly frustrating.

Must. Move. & make things happen.

Sunday, November 08, 2009

Sun, 08 Nov 2009 16:49:11 GMT

IF IT'S BROKEN, YOU BETTER FIX IT.
BUT HOW?

RLY MISS MY PROPER FRIENDS ♥

Sun, 08 Nov 2009 14:44:18 GMT

Immense anger and frustration. Uhm, disgusted and just plain tired of all this rubbish. Pick those that you'd put in your palm and pretend the rest don't exist. It's like licorice jelly beans. Nobody likes them, but why do people keep making them then? (The metaphor didn't quite translate properly, but I vaguely understand what I'm trying to write about.) I think I've already got a TOP 5 in mind, which is more than enough, if you ask me. Bye, you.

I could actually have a heart attack

Thu, 05 Nov 2009 12:05:22 GMT

(Incidentally, it's Gemma Ward again.)
So amazing, I need to have a good cry.

Wednesday, November 04, 2009

Wed, 04 Nov 2009 12:48:56 GMT

I don't quite know how to feel, or even what to say.
All I know is that our time has most definitely expired.

I can't, and don't want, to do this anymore.

Fengzzz, I'm glad this brings you great joy.

Wed, 04 Nov 2009 05:50:40 GMT

(There's really no point in writing anything. I just wanted to for the title's sake).

Today I amazingly managed to lug myself out of the house pre-10:30 to do work. Math. So much for not caring. I'm really proud of myself. (Mum just burnt my lunch. Thx.) I think I helped enlighten a friend (I HOPE) and I most definitely (FINALLY) managed to figure out the mystery that has plagued my IB life, plus, well, half of 2007. Very interesting.

edit.
This is the plan for post-IB freedom! (Post 9am on the glorious 17th of November)

17 Breakfast/brunch/lunch with Thing (Oh, I miss her so) + packing for Bangkok
18-22 Bangkok (Intense shopping/fabric scouring/perspiration)
23-24 My crazy attempt to finish an amazing dress in 2 days

2 DEBBIE'S BACK! ♥
Early December: Church camp (are we going?)
[INSERT UNI ACCEPTANCE/REJECTION SOMEWHERE HERE]
11-13 Cruising (What do you do on a cruise? Eat/gamble/get tan?)
Mid-End December: French classes + STPI internship (?)

5/6 (Can't rmb) RESULTS. (No, they really don't deserve to be in caps.)
10-29 Italy+London spending too much $$ and having the time of my life

After Italy+London I think the father has some job lined up for me, where I will try my best to maintain my spending habits. Once summer hits the UK, Rachael WILL come visit her favourite place on earth. September = LONDON.

edit.
Looking at older photos of Gemma Ward, I think she looks better thin. (Why do I feel that by saying that I'm setting myself up like I'm out to ruin mankind?) It's the truth, that's what I think. Somewhere in my disintegrating brain this had some connection with my telling Wes about anorexia and obesity earlier this morning. Followed by some whining about how gymming ultimately sorta makes you fat. (I wasn't the whiny one, but jolly well could've been. Since I completely agree with all of that: gym = muscle. No gym = no muscle = fat. Oh fat, very very FAT = me)

(winstonprettygirl just called. His voice is so high it burns. HI HWEEENNN! I know you'll see this.)

I can't think anymore. Yet another useless story.
(Wow Fengzz, I think this will greatly amuse you. You better get an A for your EE & 7 for art.)

EVERYTHING

Sun, 01 Nov 2009 16:16:28 GMT

You don't know what I'll give
You don't know what I'll give
You don't know what I'll give
You don't know what I'll give

I'm twice as weak as my 13 year old self

Sun, 01 Nov 2009 12:09:46 GMT

It used to be that when you're so completely exhausted you'd keep pushing yourself and just wait for everything to go numb. Then you'd be doing 100+ rpm like it's nothing and eventually you forget about how much you're really suffering. Then, the next day you walk around like a stick's been shoved up somewhere. (That reminds me of Miss Tan and her drumsticks that she'll constantly tell you she'll shove up any one of our many orifices). Now I'm just weak. But I'm working on fixing that, honest.

Side note,
I can't believe Gregor's at university already. All these May paper people are officially a whole year ahead of us. It's quite a big deal. What a difference 6 months makes. Six months very quickly turns into a whole year. Wow. I just want to be far away. Away into the unknown. Goodness knows I'll be freaking out when the time comes, thinking of all my mannerisms that make me socially retarded. What if I have no friends? That'll be epic. I mean, everyone hates Asian people anyway, right?

Seriously now, I've thoroughly wasted the last 3 weeks. I had it all planned. My schedule and everything. That schedule (which I vowed to follow) clearly didn't work out as planned. Now everyone knows my word = nothing. I don't really know what I did during all that wasted time, actually. Prolly watching too much telly and sitting down far too much. Hence ass-expansion. Oh wait. I was sick. Right. That totally justifies half of my inadequacy. (IT DOES!) I can't decide if I want to bother working exceptionally hard over the next few weeks. I think I shall put in some decent effort so I don't pass out from the 20+ shock in January. (Though honestly, even if that does happen, come Jan 10th, all misery will be forgotten and I'll be knitting/reading/doing something brilliant on a flight to Rome. Upon arrival I shall bask in its full wintery glory and rediscover the fact that the sunkissed bronze look doesn't work too well on me. I like fall and the bleakness of winter. I'm very excited :D)

How to recognize your teen's problems (this is a joke, right?)

Fri, 30 Oct 2009 09:56:06 GMT

2. GRADES DROP - Recognize a drop in your teens grades? School work does become progressively more difficult over time, so a slight drop in grades as children get older can be normal. However, if your teen has a drop in grades and seems to be disinterested in their school work, there could be another problem. You need to know everything that is going on in your teens life so that you can help them with the issues that they are going through. Never leave your teen alone with another teen of the opposite sex. Not even for a short amount of time. It puts both teens in a compromising position.

A surprising number of people (presumably parents) voted this article five stars. Ridiculous. Why is it impossible that school is just a waste of time when there are better things ahead? (Admittedly, if you're out to be some doctor/lawyer/some other academic hooharrr, please try to do well in school.) Boring, boring.

I've stopped caring. I just want to get at least a 5 for Physics, & a 6 for English, so I don't look like a complete idiot. 7 for Math to maintain my you're-a-girl status & not have Dessy flip out on me. 6 for Business, just because it seems like a nice number. 18 days, i just want to have fun and be guilt-free.

I have great plans for tomorrow.

Thu, 29 Oct 2009 13:43:01 GMT

Strawberries & yoghurt in the morning, some running around, window shopping, coffee + brain wrecking, more scavenging. Yay!