| | I'm good at pretending. For a whole month I pretended mid years didn't exist, and that world lit was really just far far away. As usual, everything is coming full circle and biting me in the ass. I'm that much of a genius. The only constant is change. Today I tried to make a change. I tried to start running again. It was an abysmal attempt, but an attempt nonetheless. I have no drive, no incentive to do anything now. There's so much I want to do, but for some reason, nothing gets done, even things I really want to do. I have become pathetic. But right, pathetic I will no longer be.
As with change, life does have some constants (although temporal), not everything changes in a few months. People change, but despite that, it's all the same. We're all the same, it's bizarre how so many people think in the same way and act/react just like you do. Make yourself vulnerable to someone (you're so wise JY, it's spaz to say I miss having class with you, but I'm silly like that), then go tell them a little secret/embarrassing thing, and be pleasantly surprised that you're not as ridiculous as you thought you were. It's comforting. Seeking refuge in numbers. I like that. Makes me feel less alone, and maybe, more alive. Little changes, and since change is gradual, it might take a good long time before you realize any of it. I still love the people I love (yes, I mean love, like brothers/sisters/lovers/haters) and hate the people I hate. Hate's a strong word. I often believe I'm inherently evil and do my best to counteract that by being the best person I could be (I'm such a cliche), but there are some things I can't stand about some people and I've decided to no longer put up with such things. It's unfair and inevitable, so I'm going to stop bothering. Yet I'll try to like/love you annoying beings all the same.
Start something, stop other things, resist but love change.
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| | Posted 6/27/2009 11:30 PM - 3 Views - 0 eProps - 0 comments
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